Boyfriends, husbands, and fathers: feeling unappreciated?
Put on your "oxygen mask"!
If you have ever flown on an airplane as a passenger, you witnessed the "in case of emergency" briefing by the flight attendants. Within the safety briefing, the flight attendant states "… in case of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will deploy from above. if you are traveling with a child, place the mask on you first then assist the child with theirs...". Why? Because you must be conscious, alert and capable of providing the care needed for your child. If you placed the oxygen mask on the child first, you may black out during the emergency and be unable to assist. This same logic is just as valid when it comes to supporting others throughout your life. The moral of this passage is, if you provide life support for yourself first, you will be in a better position to provide for others. This is not being selfish, it's being thoughtful.
I am a man, a Christian, a husband and a father. My current lifestyle on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being almost perfect, is a 4.5. My reason for my choice is I feel unappreciated and unfulfilled. My rating would be even lower if it weren't for my faith in God. My Lord has blessed me with all that I do have and He continues to provide for me on a daily basis. However, I am not living a harmoneous lifestyle because I have neglected to place "my oxygen mask" on first. I have fallen victim to self pity for two reasons: first - my family (a wife and three teenage daughters) don't exhibit appreciation for all that I provide and do. I routinely express my appreciation for things they do, but it seems to have no effect on them reciprocating the same. Secondly - I have made some poor choices in the past. I desired to provide more for my wife and family and did not practice patience and prayer.
I have created this blog for two reasons: first to help me put on "my oxygen mask" and secondly to provide a forum to help other men who need to do the same.
The first step to improving my lifestyle rating is be accountable for all decisions I have made. For every decision (good or bad), I must take responsibility for them. For at the time the decision was made, it was done based on whatever information was known at that time. Granted I may have or may not have taken due diligence to make the best decision possible. One sure thing is for any bad decision I made, I can't go back in time and fix it. The only thing I can do is learn from it and apply what I've learned to future decisions. 
The next step is to keep God first in my life. I'm a Baptist Christian and this is my teaching and my faith. I believe and trust this is the same teaching in all faith based religions and I encourage you, my reader, to do the same. I've come to realize that I did not do a good job in the beginning of my life as a fiance, husband and father in keeping God first and now I'm experiencing the negative effects of that. I compromised my values and now it is a struggle for me within my family and my marriage. A typical reaction in a case like this is to give up and leave (in some cases this is the best decision). The more challenging and potentially rewarding approach is to trust in God and allow Thee to fix it.
Thirdly, meditate and identify my "oxygen mask". This is taking me considerably longer then I could have imagined. I have always been challenged with recognizing my true talent or life calling. However, I have always known I've enjoyed helping others with finding their own success. I have now embraced this passion and I am actively pursuing it. I have consulted with a life coach and I have done extensive research on passion identification. My struggle has been with a touch of anxiety - that I am tackling head on now.I challenge you to identify your life calling and actively pursue it too. I will use this blog to keep my followers updated on my progress.
Fourthly, take one day at a time. Each coming day, accomplish something that is an investment in the pursuit of your talent or your life calling. I'm trusting as I get more active with my passion of helping others, my lifestyle rating will steadily increase.
To God be the glory!
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Hello, thank you for this greast blog! Our situations are almost identical! Married man, with 3 daughters,1 son. I too have made some mistakes in the past. And although I have confronted those mistakes, accepted responsibility and learned from them, LONG AGO, I can't help to think that my past efforts and my continuous efforts go unappreciated. I am currently reestablishing my relationship with God, seeking His wisdom on fatherhood and being a good husband. But I am met with apathy and disrespect in my home. What's worse? Upsetting your husband and not recognizing that he's upset? Or knowing that you've clearly upset him (even unintentionally) and offering no apology or empathy? This has been more and more common in my home. I don't want to leave at all but something has got to give.
ReplyDeleteI am trying to identify my calling as I love to help and cater to others and make the feel good.
Blessings to you for sharing your story. I have searched since I've gotten married for some type of men's group or blog that could/would be of help to me, because I have struggled with feeling unappreciated and down right disrespected by my wife for a while and what's more is that we've only been married for 1 year and 4 months.
ReplyDeleteI too am a Christian! I was raised to be Pentecostal; however, my wife and I are non-denominational as we have learned that it's not about denomination which is a man-made thing; yet, it's about having a relationship with God through Christ.
I love and adore my wife oh so much! We've been together for 5 years and have been married for going on 2 years now. I try talking to her and in many occasions, I get spoken over, in which case I tend to shut down and not want to talk anymore. I have at times been able to tell her some things, only for her to continue doing the same things and/or always have a rebuttal for everything that I say, never seeing anything wrong with how she speaks down to me, how she pushes anything I say to the side, or how she places me on the back burner.
I don't know, I get so frustrated and at times can't help but feel like I just don't really seem to matter to her, even though she does tell me she appreciates me after I've been upset a bit and/or say something. Lately, I can't help but think about how it seems that EVERYTHING tends to somehow be all about her instead of us. It's like I don't exist. I moved to a totally different state to support her in dental school, nearly everything she's wanted I've gotten for her. I'm doing my best to focus on the Lord and not dwell on these things; however, it is very difficult indeed and I just need some help!
I know what I was called to do as I've been told and prayed over time and time again. God, I just need help!!!
We all have this issue in common. All put our faith in God all recognize our faults. All are seeking approval. Feeling unappreciated comes with feelings of insufficiency for me. I do believe it affects my whole manhood to a degree. In my spirit I hear a voice leading me to be meek and humble. In the end i sense I come to an understanding that the Lord uses situations like these for his purpose. The pain I feel inside reminds me of Paul when he asked the Lord to take away his hurting. But the Lord wants us to all work his grace to be sufficient. If we can grasp this concept, then we will be made free, then we can overcome. God bless you my brothers. Be encouraged and be bold and strong for your wives and your seed.
ReplyDelete